If you think you are God, then you are not God. To harness your God-ness you must feel your connection to Source energy. Feel it. Own it. Work with it. Like a child you look at the world around you with new eyes. What was impossible becomes possible. What was out of reach becomes firmly within your grasp. Do not deny this aspect of yourself. Move forward into this world with all the power and the glory of knowing that you and God are One.
I arrived at my very first silent retreat on a Friday night, watched the sun set over the lake and settled into a big, beautiful bed. I would be alone for the next 2 ½ days. By 8:00am on my first morning I had already spent two hours in blissful meditation and reading. I decided to do yoga on the lakeside dock. The surface of the lake was still as a single rower glided by in his scull. I followed yoga with a walk along the lake then returned to the house for more reading and breakfast. This was almost too easy. I was really enjoying the silent retreat schedule and likely in danger of wanting to extend it indefinitely.
Before continuing with my spiritual activities schedule, I wanted to move my car so that it would be more visible should any villains decide to come to the house at night. Yes, you read that right—a crazy fear-based thought if ever there was one. Was it OK to move my car on a silent retreat? It was not on my agenda, and I was conscious that the fear wasn’t even real—that I was acting on some sort of old, unfounded autopilot of fear. Instead of sitting with, and examining that fear and its genesis, I decided to just go ahead and move the car and ran upstairs to retrieve my car key. That’s when it happened –three steps from the bottom of the staircase I took a flying leap, falling flat onto both knees and shins as if I were practicing an aerial yogic cat/cow position except, without the use of my hands. The sound of bone crashing against hardwood floors, mixed with me hollering in excruciating pain, broke the silence of my silent retreat. I could barely move my legs, and when they could move slightly I found that they were incapable of bearing weight. I lay on the floor for an unknown length of time unable to move. No phone near me. What was so effortless minutes before now had a new dimension.
I teach that we are unified with, and an indivisible part of Source energy. What was the point of recognizing my unity with God or of being Source energy if I couldn’t now use it to heal what seemed to be shattered bones? I lay there immobile and in great pain with my hands alternatingly on my knees, shins and toes repeating what I know to be true, “I am Source energy and Source energy cannot be injured.” My words came from deep within my heart as opposed to from my head. They did not come from my ego thinking that I could tough it out. I also remembered and paraphrased a lesson from A Course in Miracles,saying to myself, “all illness is a defense against the truth.” What truth was I not admitting to myself?
I got to the point where I could use my upper body strength to drag myself to a loveseat, and then I managed to maneuver my torso and legs onto the couch. I stayed there repeating my affirmations. I had no sense of time. All I know is that at some point I was able to stand and then walk gingerly, with some pain, into the kitchen for breakfast. I settled into the loveseat once again to rest my legs and to continue reading Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life. In it I read, “Once something moves from our brains to our bones, that’s when we can use it to change our lives.” What had moved to my bones? I got to work researching emotional connections to broken legs and bones. I found that as was the case with me, being injured on both the left and right sides ofyour body indicates that you feel like you can’t move backward,but you also can’t move forward. Knees specifically carry negative emotions.
Had I stuck to my spiritual reading and not tried to slip one past the Universe by acting on what I knew was an unfounded and non-productive fear, I may have read even further in Sincero’s book and changed my mind about moving my car: “It’s so simple. Fear will always be there, poised and ready to wreak havoc, but we can choose whether we’re going to engage with it …”
I knew as I was running to get my car key that moving my car was out of alignment with my higher purpose. I ignored my intuition and let my fear take over until I was literally brought to my knees.
My miraculous healing continued throughout the day to the point where I could walk up and down the stairs. Late Sunday afternoon, the day after the accident, Mother Mary appeared and finished healing my knees, shins and toe so that I was able to walk down stairs without pain and workout at the gym the next day, albeit slowly. Mary told me that my bones were not broken, but I would not have walked for months.Having osteoporosis, the lack of broken bones was in itself a miracle not to mention the lack of swelling and the lack of bruising. I believe, though, that had I chosen to call 911 instead of choosing the reality in which, as part of Source energy, I could not be injured, the outcome would have been as Mary described.
Postscript: I was sure enough of Mary’s healing that I refused energy work from both Linda and Kim following the accident. However, I had it in my head that I could be carrying some trauma from the accident that may be stored in other muscles of my body so I booked an appointment for a myofascial release treatment. I arrived for my appointment at 8:00am Saturday morning, exactly one week after the accident only to find out that I had inadvertently booked the appointment for a Saturday a month out. I laughed, and left acknowledging to Mother Mary that in fact I didn’t need to worry about any stored up trauma. She took care of that too. As I recently heard Mother Mary say, “You choose me or you choose fear, but you can’t have us both. Surrender your fear.”